As I sit here waiting for the new year to arrive, I can’t help to look back on 2012 and be glad. That it’s almost over.
I won’t lie, 2012 has been a tough one financially and emotionally. When my husband lost his job last February, we were in shock. It was unexpected, unwarranted and left us unprepared. What we thought was going to be our savings to purchase a new home turned out to be the money we lived on for the next seven months. We made some decisions that left our family and friends scratching their heads but ultimately things worked out. My husband had lost his job before (unfortunately a by-product of his industry) but those times we had a backup plan. I always had the stable job that carried the insurance. Not this time.
This time, I was staying at home with my daughter. I was trying to determine if being a SAHM was for me and found out, it wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be and that I actually really liked it. Sure, I missed parts of the work environment but I knew my time at home wasn’t permanent. I was going to stay at home with my daughter until she entered school full-time. At least that was my plan. Once my husband lost his job, it was a race to see who could find a job first. Guess who won that race? Yup, me.
That was a bittersweet moment. I was actually offered a job that I absolutely thought I would love and it would bring us to a city that we all (well, maybe not Brecken), wanted to live in. I do love my job but I also miss the time I was able to spend with my little girl. She’s growing up so fast and I feel more like a spectator in her life than an actual participant. I’m trying to remember when she learned how to use the word “perfect” in a sentence and I can’t. That makes me extremely sad. I hate that I see her for 30 minutes in the morning and only a few hours at night. That’s not the kind of mom I wanted to be.
Another tough part of 2012? My relationship with my husband. We’ve had a rough year with more downs than ups and that has really challenged us as a couple. I can’t say 100% what the future holds for us but we’re both working on our issues. Of course I think he has more issues than me, but isn’t that typical? What I’ve learned throughout this process is that I am stronger than what I thought. I’m not afraid to be a single parent or afraid to be “alone.” I’m more afraid of my daughter being in an environment where love and respect aren’t apparent most of the time.
So as we get closer to midnight, I’m looking forward to saying goodbye to 2012. Let’s bring on 2013!